Brad Pitt and I were hanging out the other night watching his stellar performance in “The Mexican” when a line from his co-star struck me as particularly humorous and thought-provoking. James Gandolfini proudly proclaimed to Julia Roberts that even though he was a hired hit-man, in truth, ”I’m just here to regulate the funkiness”. Yeah!!!
It got me thinking about HR’s real job, and how sometimes we can get caught up in the semantics of what we THINK our job is all about or what we SAY we do to help our organizations. YouGov, an international research agency, recently put out a list of the most hated business sayings in Britain and “Thinking outside of the box” hit #1. I actually have my own top 10 list of most despised HR sayings and/or actual quotes from HR folks. In the spirit of Mr. Gandolfini’s brilliant observation of his true role, I’ve translated the HR-speak into what I think people actually mean or should say.
#10: “I don’t want to do tactical HR work” = “I’ve enjoyed having a massive team of resources to deal with all the grimy employee issues and I couldn’t begin to tell you how to solve an employee relations issue”.
#9: “I’m not a micro-manager” = “I really don’t get into the details of what my team does; unless they make me look bad”.
#8: “Net-Net” = “I’ve heard the finance guys say this, so I’m using the phrase to emphasize my business acumen”.
#7: “Go the extra mile” = “I kill myself working 70 hours a week and tend to like to brag about it.” You know who you are – - just show some results and all those hours might be recognized someday.
#6: “Work-Life Balance” = (usually follows #7 as to why they are unhappy) “I need to realize that I (and every other working slug) spend most of my time at my job, so “balance” is unachievable. Knowing what my work-life priorities are would be more beneficial”.
#5: “I am forward-looking and future-oriented” = (and yes,this is an actual quote) “I hate my job so I spend most of my day thinking of cool answers to interview questions”.
#4: “I was RIF’d” = “I laid off my entire team and then wrote my own severance package”. Seriously, give context here, otherwise hiring managers may question if you were a lack-luster performer.
#3: “Value-Add” = “I have the political clout and ability to talk to my senior leaders about what HR does everyday to help their departments”.
#2: “Seat at the Table” = In the words of Caddyshack’s Ty Webb “Stop thinking, let things happen and be the ball”.
#1: “Strategic Business Partner” = Come on…you knew that would be my #1. What you should know is that anyone who quotes that phrase to me is guaranteed that I’ll then ask, “What did you do today that, beyond a doubt, demonstrated you are a SBP??!!”
If there is more than 3 seconds of silence, I will regulate the funkiness and call you out.
Kathy:
Fun post. Just to tweek you a bit.. in your mini-bio you say you had “15 years of progressive human resources leadership experience.” Does anyone ever brag about 15 years of non-progressive leadership experience? And “groovy HR Talent?”
This is a fabulous list, and “regulate the funkiness” just became the office mantra here at Workforce Management. We needed something to replace our previous mantra: “We deliver nimble, robust editorial solutions.”
Michael – Thanks…and come on – it’s just a bio! You’ll have to tweek Dunn about the “groovy HR Talent” as those were his words…but I like the sound of it! I’m sure there is a groovy side to you as well.
Carroll – You HAVE to go rent “The Mexican” to get the full effect of the phrase. I about fell over when I heard him say it and thought….YES, that’s MY job too!! Glad WM is having fun with it too.
Why wasn’t, “I’m a people-person” included?
Or how about made up HR words like “Planful, Leaderful, Learnings,” etc.
Hi Ryan – Check out #6 on my FOT profile…I’ve got you covered. You’re right on regarding the “made up” words – I’ll put those in the “parking lot”. Thanks for the thoughts!