The Wall Street Journal recently had an article “Lies, Damned Lies and Lies You Tell Your Spouse” where as you can imagine went over what types of lies are alright to tell your spouse and why. They had your typical lies that you would expect:
- Does this dress make me look fat? (Of course not…the dress has nothing to do with you looking fat…)
- Ordering take out food, then putting in normal dishes and making them believe you cooked it.
- Buying new clothes, then bringing them home in dry cleaners plastic, to make it look like it is just stuff from the cleaners.
- What size are you? (a size 3! Only at Chico’s!)
Clearly, there are different types of lies. The one’s above, while clearly hiding the truth, aren’t meant to cause pain to the parties involved, and probably in the end trying to hold the peace within the relationship (i.e., that what they don’t know, won’t hurt them).
Then, there are those lies (Damned Lies) that will send you directly to hell, don’t pass go, don’t collect $200. Those are the one’s that cause people to lose their jobs, their families, their dignity, and pretty much anything of value. I think we all agree, these are the “real” lies – they get people into trouble. The problem is, our “little lies” – like those listed above – tend to be the entry drug of lies, that lead to the damned lies. Boy, this gets really confusing, especially trying to explain this to your kids!
Then, we have those lies we tell in HR. These are lies meant to primarily avoid conflict, protect feelings, protect privacy, protect relationships, etc. You know these -
HR Lies:
Employee: How am I’m performing, and is my job in jeopardy? (bad performer)
HR: You’re really working hard and giving great effort. As of right now their are no plans to let you go (but 15 min. after you leave I’ll have the plan).
______________________________________________________________________________________
Candidate: Do you have any room for negotiation?
HR: We can’t move an inch, we’ve completely maxed out what we can offer. (If you tell me No, more money will magically come flying out of my butt)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Employee: Do you know anything about a RIF?
HR: No! We know nothing, we see nothing…(ala Sg. Schultz on Hogan’s Heroes). (We’ve been spending last two months designing communications and severance packages, and plan on blaming the consultants when the announcement is made!)
____________________________________________________________________________________
Employee: Can I still sign up for insurance, I forgot or missed the date (after Open Enrollment)?
HR: Of course not – it’s against federal law, marshall law, Rule 3 of the secret society of evil HR professionals and the Geneva Convention. How could you be so stupid to miss out on signing up for insurance? We’re very sorry but the “government” won’t allow us to help you. (Or, we could term you on Friday, hire you back on Monday, and get you signed up and make sure you and your family is taken care of – but that would cause me to fill out an extra paper, so you better be nice to me!).
The last one I like the best, probably because I see it happen in every (yes, I mean every) company I’ve ever worked in or with! What lies do you tell in HR?
