The New American Dream…a Union Job…

I’ll go all KD and disclose something before you continue reading – I don’t like Unions.  I don’t like unions the way fat kids don’t like gym class, the way the Yankee’s don’t like the Red Sox and (for my kids) the way Mario doesn’t like Bowser.  I grew up in Michigan and had a ton of family working for the UAW, so you would think I would have a better appreciation for unions.  The thing is, I’m a history buff, and I know why unions started, so now I really struggle to see any relevance at all to why, in the modern age, we need unions.  Ok, got it?

Now, put all my union bashing aside (I mean they’re completely worthless) because I’ve found what quite   possibly could be the last American Dream – a Union Job.  Last week, I go to my kindergartners class to help out – one of those come-in-for-an-hour-and-feel-like-a-better-parent kind of things. While stuffing Friday folders with the latest public education propaganda of why they need more tax dollars to deliver a lesser-more expensive education then their foreign counterparts (but I digress – did I mention teachers are union members), I got the pleasure of meeting a fellow parent doing the same task.

Here is where the story gets interesting.  My fellow do-gooder parent is currently laid-off from GM-UAW (yes, the same GM we all now own a part of), but before you feel bad, there is more to the story. Come to find out this laid-off GM-UAW worker, actually likes it better to be laid-off, then to work. Why? I’m so glad you asked – seems to be that this laid-off worker gets roughly 85% of their wage and still gets full benefits while being laid-off.  Now, I don’t know about you – but if my current employer (hell – any employer for that matter) is going to pay me 85% to sit at home, or go to my kids class to be a better parent, I’m probably going to take it.  In fact, I don’t know of anyone that, if they really sat down and did the math, wouldn’t take it.

So, now my come-in-for-an-hour-and-be-a-better-parent gig (which I had to burn PTO time to do) has become a political debate about how could my employee (get it? “my employee” means they work for Government Motors which I’m now a partial owner of!) be getting this very expensive time off.  Actually, no debate happened, what basically happened was we finished the project, I went back to work, when into the bathroom and looked into the mirror and asked myself – “What did you do wrong in your career?”

Come to find out this laid-off GM-UAW employee has a master’s degree (like me), is presumably a good parent (I mean we both did the hour without complaint – like me) and seems to be lot, well, like me!  With one big exception – this laid-off union worker seems very happy, very calm, no stress or pressure from work – life, so it seems, couldn’t be going any better.  I mean someone is paying them, and giving their family wonderful benefits, to do nothing. Well, wait a minute, not nothing, this person did have to get a factory floor, mind-numbing, no responsibility, no skills needed, union job.

Do I sound bitter!?  Yes, a little – because I realized after all these years of bashing unions as worthless, I had it all wrong.  I now love unions, and I’m desperately looking into how I can get myself one of those union type jobs. Seems I have the qualifications – if you take away the responsibility, stress, years of skill building, etc.   If I could just get a piece of that good old American Pie – I could turn my whole career around.