All of your stereotypical HR Rockstars are typically pretty extroverted, kinetic, perpetually in-motion. I’m not saying HR Rockstars can’t be introverts, but most I know are loud and proud. If you are a recruiter, then the extrovert scale doubles (unless you are Jessica Lee from what I hear…who knew a kinetic introvert?) As an extroverted person, I am no exception to this, my team is no exception.
Now one thing I know about most extroverts is that they’re usually that way to cope with some sort of emotional need. A need to be liked, a need to be heard, and a need to compensate (overcompensate at times). Even the sales rep who only needs money is trying to meet an emotional need. Money equals success, status, recognition. Break it down to its core and the emotional need cycle is in all of us. This is not all bad. Extroversion can be a coping skill and coping skills are good.
Throughout my career I’ve felt great pride in my extroversion. It’s helped my ability to motivate and keep things going to produce results. Go bigger, go forward, go to grad school, go volunteer, go higher. Just go. If I can’t go: fake it. If I fail: ask everyone why, assess the data, probe, change and go again. Then enter Twitter, Social Media, HR 2.0 and I am in heaven; the going only gets faster.
Enter Paul McCartney, HR Employee Relations Manager.
My strategy above worked for a long time, but in my HR path I was far from a Rockstar until I learned one thing. To truly be an effectual HR leader, I had to let it be. The pendulum swung too far to one side; to correct I had to let things be.
Controlling variables has little to do with moving a modern organization and its employees. HR professionals think it is part of the job description to “fix” employees, control their variables, write their goals, and make them “go” execute our plan. We HR gurus can think a lot of ourselves, can’t we?
For example, I had an employee I pegged as an up-and-comer in need of developing. Factually speaking, she lacked a grace and intuitiveness which made her feel unauthentic to some co-workers. It didn’t affect her day-to-day job but fixing this could make her a superstar. I gave feedback, asked questions, wrote plans, role played until I was exhausted to no success. Out of frustration, I gave up and let her be. After about 4 months, she began to take the reigns on her own development. She found her own path, and on her terms, sought me out for help. I went from being a mother she didn’t want to being a mentor she sought. And, after this I had to question why I was taking on the burden of other people’s development, when they didn’t want my help or ask for it.
I have a poster of the Beatles Let It Be album in my office, and when an employee comes in complaining that someone ate their ice cream out of the freezer, I point to it and say…let it be. When an employee tells me their spouse is divorcing them and doesn’t know how they’ll get their work done, I point to it and say…today let it be.
So, HR rockstars, twitterites, and social media mavens-are you balanced? What are you doing to let it be? If your answer is nothing—you may not be the leader you think (yet).
Our office has a imaginary nail by the front door. All employee were told many months ago, hang it on the nail if it isnt work related. So when these employees come to me about their personal issues I direct them to the nail. I listen and let them vent, sometimes thats all they need, but the conversation always ends with a discussion about the nail and where their focus should be while in the office.
I think this kind of goes back to the old prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” With great intentions we often forget that 1)we really cannot change anything outside of ourselves (we can only influence) and 2)the way we might want to help someone could be the wrong way from them.
In our zest to help, we might not remember that as coaches, we should be helping them find their own way and own answers, not ours. But, we do mean well!
I think that people often have answers that with some good listening and some helpful questions, they can often surpise themselves (and even us) with. BUT, to do that, as Dawn says, we have to LET IT BE!
@adowling–Thanks for your comments!
I think HR folks constantly weigh what ees should and shouldn’t bring into the office. I would suggest that we really don’t have a choice. I may even suggest that by HR embracing that reality that personal stuff can at times pass through the office doors makes for a more authentic, trusting and productive workforce (in the long term). Thoughts?
@KimBailey– Listening is a big part of the Let it Be mantra. Agreed!
I have been introduced to your “let it be” theory previously, and I have to say – I agree when it comes to personal life in the workplace. That being said, it is often hard to separate employees’ 8-5 persona from the “layered” creatures that we are. Having a supportive HR team that is available if an employee seeks guidance is a great bonus and, I agree, makes for a more trusting and (do I dare say) productive work environment. From my experience, your team is doing a great job balancing the “needs” and the “nags.”
I too, am very extroverted and felt the need to fix people, things and situation. Dawn’s theory of Let it Be is something I adopted a couple of years ago after failing time and time again in trying to “fix”. I have found that many insignificant items become truly insignificant just by letting them be. Personal issues work themselves out even if productivity suffers in the short term. If you truly believe in letting people do their jobs, tasks or projects, you will let them be and not micromanage. You will “let them be” to use their creativity, make their own mistakes and failures and take charge and responsibility for how succesful they are and can be. So LET IT BE.
@lea bennett—I am stealing Needs vs Nags from you…never heard that before and it incapsulates two camps well! Glad to see you on Fistful for the first time! Keep coming back!
@susan lines–the hardest for so many HR folks is letting people be to make mistakes. I mean DELIBERATELY letting people be to make mistakes. Like nails on a chalkboard, that can be hard. great comments—
Dawn, I really must see your office! You sound like an HR Representative I’d like to visit.
Often HR Professionals (me included) get bogged down in work and may not be thinking about the artifacts, symbols and atmosphere of HR. A former CEO I supported said that HR should be a place people WANT to visit. I agree with Kim –one of the greatest services we can provide for our employees, coworkers and customers is to be real. A nail, an album cover, screen saver or a picture on your desk can make all the difference for your visitor.
These are the dumbest posts I have ever heard
Love the words of inspiration Dawn. I’ve tried for years to solve the major (and often times minor) problems of all; clients, family, friends and even the stray dog on the side of the rode.
My new motto for 2010 – “Let it Be”!!!!!!!
I think I will play the song once a week as a reminder~
Here’s to an Awesome 2010.