I remember when I was a kid, if you got something you didn’t want, you could pretty much take it back – and I’m not saying you could take it back to the store it was from, with the exact receipt, 30 days from purchase, and an affidavit that you didn’t open it, never thought of opening it and would never tell another soul you that it was actually returned – I mean you could take it to any store that carried that same item and they would take it back, no questions asked. (Yes, I’m that old.) And I miss those times – the last time I had to take something back, I felt like I was being interrogated by the Gestapo (all Colonel Klink like).
So, after Christmas this year, as I’m standing in line trying, waiting to be grilled as to why I need to return a leopard skin Snuggie, it came to me that there are probably a whole bunch of HR “presents” I’ve received over the years that I would love to return. So, here’s the short-list of HR Gifts I can do without:
- Sexual Harassment Video Training- not sure whose bright idea it was to make these 70′s pseudo soft-porn flicks – but if I never see another one, it will be too soon! Let’s face it, everyone knows what sexual harassment looks like, having a video recreation of the events isn’t helping anyone out. I would prefer they just show clips from The Office.
- Compensation Statements – that show how much in taxes the company paid for my wages. Thanks oh generous one! If your company needs to put taxes paid on your total comp statement to show how generous you are – you need to find a new company.
- Employee Engagement Scores – I’ve been around too many companies that hand these out like they’re an award. It’s a measure, not a trophy. Only in HR do we hand out things we should be doing as awards. Leadership is doing what it’s supposed to be doing! We have great engagement scores! How about we put it on a t-shirt and give one to every employee? Please. Don’t.
- Anniversary Awards- The one, three, five year pins are my favorite. I mean really. Does anyone under the age of 70 still want one of these things? And please don’t give me the little catalog to pick out the $10 gift either – that might actually be worse than the pins. Oh great! I got a fold-able cooler for being with the company for three years! Wow. Great. I believe you care about me so much…(can you hear my condescending tone?)…
- Training Certificates- You know these – the pieces of paper that look like your high school diploma, but instead you got it for showing up for the one hour presentation that your training manager gave on “Leadership for Beginners” and not falling asleep. (True story – I worked for an organization where the training department would put on “Lunch and Learns” and provide lunch to each person attending – and they had great turnout! They explained to me how integral training was to the company. I made them stop offering lunch in the lunch and learns – and they were “shocked” that attendance fell off the table! Wow, what happened to the culture of learning?)
And we know there are more. So, what HR Gifts would you return?
You hit a home run Tim. First, a leopard print Snuggie? Really?
The “gift” I’d return is all the stupid phrases we push on our employees and act like it all makes sense. My most hated is “manage up”. What? You mean you actually want the humble masses to now take the fall when a manager isn’t properly managing down and you want them to manage the manager??? It drives me crazy. That and all the acronyms that companies use.
Excellent post!
Great post! Things have come along way since then!
Loved your post! It really highlights how the corporate world keeps changing, and if you don’t stay current on trends, you probably won’t stay in business. Off to recycle my training and anniversary certificates!
Don’t show taxes on Total Comp Statements??? Soon taxes will be all there is to report on!
Employee handbook updates issued without checking for conflicts with other content. Thanks for the new policy but now it doesn’t mean anything or no one understands it.
I think showing the taxes paid is very important, especially considering companies are expected to contribute an extra 7.5% of payroll to social security (on top of the 7.5% emps pay) PLUS contribute to a 401k. 7.5% is a LOT of money, and most employees have no idea the company pays that into their “retirement.”
Do you all work in the real world? No wonder human resources has such a bad reputation!
“everyone knows what sexual harassment looks like” – wrong, most do not, in fact they are clueless – that’s why they need to be shown.
Training certificates – maybe they are not valuable in your ivory tower, but I have thousands of employees who treasure them and display them with pride.
Providing lunch – what is wrong with incentives to attend training? The objective is to stimulate learning and who gives a crap what it takes to do so. You convinced them to stop the lunches? How brilliant! Sacrifice the training for a few bucks. And, because they pay for lunch, does that mean that training wasn’t integral to the company? I know, you must be above all that. How many of your type would attend a training session if you had to go on your day off?
Anniversary awards: how about you look at the guts of our economy – manufacturing, service, and retail jobs. Ever notice how many of those employees are proudly wearing their service pins on their name badge or their uniforms?
Compensation statements? You may have a point about the taxes, but quitting the company over that? As they say “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”
Stick to what you know, Tim, and hopefully that is something about recruiting. Real human resources – that takes place down at the employee level, whose pulse you and many of those who fawned over your article appear never to have had.
Maybe the moral of the story is to know your employees and what motivates them. I support a very diverse organization, and like Paul, I see many employees proudly displaying training certificates, anniversary gifts and recognition awards, but I also have plenty of employees who are not afraid to tell me what they really think of those rewards. Keeping a pulse on the organization and understanding what will go over well – and what won’t – is important to keep employees engaged. It’s not enough to toss out practices just because you wouldn’t appreciate it yourself, but know when it is really time to retire an outdated pratice – or HR will forever be labelled as “fluffy.”
Paul – Love the critical feedback and it seems you certainly have a passion around HR – respectively I still disagree with you.
I didn’t convince the training team not to offer lunch – I made them stop – if your training team offers dynamic, interesting learning – you don’t need gimics to get your employees to come learn – challenge your OD team to do better.
The sexual harassment comment was tongue in cheek – the joke is that everyone doesn’t know what harassment looks like – it sounds outrageous because it is – those who “Fawn” over me – get that humor. Sorry that it was missed on you.
I have been “down at the employee level” within HR as you call it – although I never thought I was going “down” when meeting and spending time with the employees I worked with – but I can see how many traditional HR folks feel that way – I’m not your traditional HR folk.
Loved this post, Tim. Lapel pins, ah the joy of lapel pins…in an age when one rarely wears lapels. Riffed on this a few months ago: “Please. A colleague tells me her husband believes he’d get more value out of his three company-issued lapel pins if he could melt them down for the gold (if they are indeed real gold). The last time he wore a suit or jacket was at their wedding.”
More on the disconnect between “what we’ve always done” and what employees want and truly deserve: http://globoforce.blogspot.com/2009/08/productivity-increases-and-i-get-lapel.html