I want/need to hire someone. Not a difficult task, right? I’ve been doing this for years and it’s a simple process. I mean let’s be honest – I’m not trying to launch the Space Shuttle into outer space – I just need to hire one “normal” employee. And therein lies my problem: “Normal Employee” wanted.
The problem with hiring normal people, is well, they’re hard to find. No one wants to be normal anymore – everyone has to have something special about them: I’m the IT guy who drives a Harley and raises Pygmy bunnies; I’m the Accounting gal who snowboards and always wears Hello Kitty gear; I’m the Marketing Dude who is a little crazy about slow pitch softball and facial hair. The level of personal branding has gotten to a point where it’s next to impossible to find normal people.
So, now I know what the next question on your mind is – that’s why FOT pays me the big bucks – to anticipate what our readership will ask and have all the answers. You’re thinking: But Tim, you’re so normal, how did you find you? Am I right, or what! (or maybe you’re thinking, how did Tim suck me 3 minutes into another blog post going nowhere!) What’s really needed is just one Job Description that we can all use on every position we have – like Addendum A – Normal Employee JD.
If I had an Addendum A for my JD on what a Normal Employee would be, it would probably look like this:
Position: Normal Employee
Status: Full Time – Exempt (must be normal after hours as well)
Reports to: Self (wait you can’t report to yourself, that instantly makes you not normal)
Position Requirements: Common sense with a touch of realism, some positivity thrown in for good measure (meaning when someone asks you “if the you’re a cup is half full or half empty person” – you don’t go on for 15 minutes explaining how you can’t be defined so narrowly – that makes you not normal). Must have been normal for at least 18 months (caution: some will say one year here, but trust me, anyone can act normal for a year - the tipping point is at least 18 months – crazy is bound to come out in 18 months if it’s in there).
Principle Duties: To build and maintain professional relationships with supervisors, peers and co-workers – which means stalking any other employee on Facebook is not normal.
Degree of Accountability: Must follow all policies and procedures, maintain confidentiality, meet and/or exceed department goals set forth for this position. This means if you ever use the phrase “that’s not my job” you’re not normal, also sending an email out to the entire company asking why it is so difficult to keep sticky notes in stock is not normal – I’m just saying.
Job Duties:
- Don’t be creepy. If you have to ask what this looks like – you’re not normal – you’re creepy.
- Have good hygiene. This means you have to be honest with yourself and find out if you smell – body, mouth, etc. – then do something about it, in a positive way.
- Don’t talk about your pets or your kids, more than you talk about work, while at work. Enough said.
- It’s alright to have crazy colored hair – but you need to balance it with other very normal behavior. Example: if you have purple hair, don’t wear a skull t-shirt – you just make people nervous; or bring in fresh baked chocolate chip cookies – people don’t expect that from someone with purple hair – and don’t get upset when no one eats your cookies – let’s just say people are still nervous about the hair – but they’ll appreciate the gesture.
- Don’t be happy all the time. First, no one buys it. Second, it makes you look simple minded – everyone has a bad day or frustrating time (it’s what makes us normal) and it’s alright to show that. Third, when showing your frustration/bad day, don’t do it by throwing things at work – that’s not normal.
- Don’t talk about freaky stuff – ever. Hey, great – you and your wife like to swing on the weekends – don’t ever share that at work – if you do, you’re not normal.
- Don’t use baby-talk. That works on your boyfriend and Dad – but not at work.
- Do bust on your supervisor to co-workers at lunch. This is normal behavior – people get frustrated with their bosses and need an outlet. It doesn’t mean you hate them and they should be skinned alive (if you think that, you’re not normal), but just need to blow off some steam to a co-worker – everyone has done it – to a point, it’s healthy behavior.
- Don’t bust on your supervisor in a department meeting. If your supervisor is good, she’ll laugh it off, but no one likes public humiliation – and why you might get some sick gratification from it – it’s not normal.
- Don’t do any behavior that can be deemed crazy. You never want to be tagged “crazy” – it’s like luggage, you’ll never get rid of it. Crazy behavior examples: Making lunch in the employee break room that is over the top – soup, salads and sandwiches are great – trying to make Beef Wellington in the Microwave is crazy. Having pictures and items that show your personality in your cube are nice – having your entire cube decorated in the Winnie The Pooh – Eeyore character is crazy.
What do you look for in Hiring Normal employees?
At the risk of being pelted with bite-sized beef wellington – are you talking about normal-normal – or the ubiquitous “new-normal”?
‘Cuz being different is the new normal no?
Great post Tim. Thanks.
i’m not big on the use of the word “normal” here. what’s normal to you may not be normal to me and vice versa. and normal can be boring. tamp down people’s creativity. stamp out difference.
perhaps “acceptable” or “agreed upon” norms for every office would work.
f
Well, this is good to know, and I am looking for a normal job! One that has clear duties, clear hours, and clear pay. One that treats me like an ordinary human, not like one who is about to sue at every turn, or might accuse someone of harassment because they told an off color joke. While I’m at it, I want decent benefits. I’m not asking for a maid and a French Villa, but simple things that can keep me alive so I can continue to work, like a living wage, some vacation time, and decent health insurance, including dental (do you really want toothless employees?) .
Tim,
Normal?
Generational Normal?:
+ Baby Boomer normal?
+ Gen Y normal?
+ Gen X normal?
Organizational Culture Fit Normal?:
+ entrepreneurial normal?
+ small/medium sized enterprise normal?
+ multi-national normal?
+ hierarchy normal?
Then once on the job are we looking at an environment that talent can rely on as on-the-job normal?:
+ managers that manage normally?
+ leaders that lead normally?
+ teams that behave normally?
+ company loyalty normal?
Statistically we have really hit a very, very small percentage of talent that is normal.
Let alone 2 other factors:
1. people that are happy in their jobs are not on the job market
2. people are risk averse and less likely to stay in the job and environment they know (for better or worse) than change jobs
Whew. I guess it comes down to good interviewing and recruiting to match culture to talent to need.
Add another variable: people are emotional not rational and we’re back into a gray area.
Perhaps if companies managed their talent acquisition strategies as dedicated an effort as they manage their customer relationship strategies we might hit upon some refreshed human capital thinking.
Of course if your company wants to be normal, you’ve already lost your edge and your company is likely headed the way of the dodo. Being normal is what will destroy your company quicker than Susan Boyle’s singing career.
Perhaps this is a time where people have finally stood up and said, “my parents have not had loyal employers; I’ve been laid off or down-sized 3 times; my industry is being out-sourced overseas; I’ve not had a raise in more than a year; time to take care of #1, time to be myself and not be defined by my job, but by my SELF!”
Thanks for the post, both thought-provoking and a challenge to process.
Here’s to diversity!
Toby Elwin
@telwin
personally… i’m not sure if there’s really such a thing as “normal.” at the end of the day, i think we’re all weird. it’s just a matter of who does a better job of managing their weirdness.
Tim -
Sorry but I’m going to disagree here. That’s the problem…recruiters and HR want everyone to fit in a box and be the same. And that has been forced upon the workforce for a long time. And the workforce isn’t interested anymore.
I think being professional and respectful is very important…but I’m not going to work “normal hours” because you think I should. End of story. And if you insist on putting me in that box…even after we talked about it…I’ll leave costing your company money to replace me.
So why normal? Why not try to find the right fit for the job. In-the-box thinking is what got us all where we are…with lots of workers just waiting to jump ship or going off as solo workers.
Tim,
Apparently none of the above are “normal.” Where is your sense of humor folks? Maybe they should go do something freaky on their lunch break- with their purple hair and in their Winnie the Pooh shirt!
Great blog!
Tim, as a fellow recruiter/HR practitioner, I choose not to even analyze as some posters have done – I am merely giving you “TWO THUMBS UP!”
You articulated this so perfectly and hysterically, and I am going to become a loyal reader of Fistful of Talent. Thanks for a great post!
Well – I have to say I’m far from being Normal – but for all of my Corporate HR Peeps out there in the trenches I have to say – being on the Normal side of the Candidate equation, wouldn’t hurt some people in landing a job!
I know, I know – I hear all of you consultants who couldn’t make it in the corporate world yelling! “what about originality!? What about creativity!? what about sleeping in until 10am!?”
Let me just say – there are some people who are original and creative, and probably could build an arguement for not being normal. For those 17 people left in the world, I’ll give you that. For the others, shut up, get up and get your butt to work – and leave the flip flops at home, it’s not original, it’s gross to see your hairy feet at work…
Thanks for the comments everyone!
I love this post… however I definitely don’t meet all of this criteria. It’s interesting to see what the definition of “normal” is from person to person and really how desirable it is and why.
Well, I think I am reasonably normal by your definition, but I hope nobody ever asks in an interview if I am a glass half-full or half-empty person. I am, to be frank, more of a glass half-empty person (doesn’t stop me from affecting a positive attitude, getting along with coworkers, and getting my work done), but it seems to me that no one would ever give any answer other than glass half-full regardless of how they actually feel. Perhaps the fact that this sounds kind of pat and trite is why people try to rationalize their way into some kind of more memorable answer? Even if they are actually pretty “normal”?
I have also said before that I will take out my nose ring if I get an interview at an engineering firm, but a coffee shop can forget dictating anything other than cleanliness, adherence to performance standards, willingness to perform all of the responsibilities associated with the position, and a positive attitude. Ask me about this again when I really, really need that coffee shop job.
I love it! I especially like the part about being normal for at least 18 months and the balance if you have different(outside the norm) color hair.
Rule Number 1 for “Normal” employee making it to the the interview: Must know the difference between Principle and Principal
That was hilarious. Job Duty #1, Don’t be creepy, should be a rule to live by for everyone.
I am a retired person after 40 years of almost the same job(not counting the takeovers)at the same industry. Am I normal or sick? or according to my two sons just “a stupid immigrant”? My younger one which appears to be fit in your “normal” definition who already lost his job at least for three times that I can count. The older one which can be labeled as “Talented(?)” has no “normal” job and a cubical that “normal workers” sits in it. He can work anywhere he wants and makes a very good living.
If anyone asks me to evaluate them as a potential employees to fill a position in my organization, I would select the …. one, because:(I would hold on my preferences for now, and give their description first as I evaluated them as a father then you will see which one I would hire).
My younger one is smarter and less ambition than the older one and he can work as I did without any complains at all. The older one is also bright and works hard, and above all he knows how to present himself( I did not say a pretender), but not as smart as the younger one at all. And I might add that he is also so ambitious that he can’t accept anything less than the presidents’ position.
Now, my selection will obviously be dependent upon the position’s requirements, as in our classic corporate structure dictates but not the out of the box approach that I can go wild.
I am sure, you’ve already guessed it “the younger one gets the job”. Is this “normal”?
I think the HR profession and the outplacement industry are to blame. It’s not enough to bring expertise and a strong resume’ to a job interview there are literally thousands just like him or her waiting in line. Hr is looking for someone unique who can also add value. Job hunters are desperate to find any way possible to catch the eye of of the recruiter, to be the stand out in that sea of hopeful faces. The personal brand is “in” now. In a couple years it will be something else. So hang in there Tim, normal people may resume the job hunt one day.
May I suggest that Normal is in the eye of the beholder? The coffee shop guy, IMHO, points that out beautifully…. normal depends on the hiring situation.
Thanks for a fun and provocative post, Tim. I teach compensation management to MBA students, and part of the process involves learning the JD process. I love how you honored the universal Job Description format even while laughing thru it. w/ your permission, I hope, and full acknowledgment of the source, I’d like to copy and use this as a sample in class starting FA10 semester.
Everything’s relative. J
The glass is twice as large as it needs to be
capitalism wouldn’t work if we were all normal. And smart isn’t normal, either. loving math isn’t normal. building new, innovative technology isn’t normal. succeeding isn’t normal. and normal isn’t going to get us anywhere. so that’s nice, if you have such a bland persona. see you on the street begging.