I had one of my Recruiters ask for some advice this week – it wasn’t work advice – a little more personal. She had told a person she would attend a wedding of a family member with them, but was having second thoughts – basically – a Holy Crap moment – I don’t really like this person that much, and I don’t want to go to a family wedding with him and send the wrong message. So, what was my advice? It started out pretty straight – tell them the truth! “Look dude – I’m just not that into you, and the last place on earth I want to be on Saturday evening is sitting at a table with your parents and Aunt Betty with them thinking “ours” is next!”
As you can imagine – that wasn’t going to do. Not that she didn’t want to tell him the truth – but she didn’t really want to hurt him – and wanted something softer. You know! A how-do-I-get-him-to-not-want-me-to-go excuse – like he can’t stand my breath or I have hammer toes, or something!? Now – she was truly diving into my end of the pool! You want a Fake Reason why you can’t go! YES! I’m in HR – I’m in Recruiting – I’m the king of fake excuses of why people don’t get the job! I’m on it!
So, here’s the first 3 I gave her:
1. You have VD! (Ok, I know this is strong right out of the gate – but let’s face the facts – most dudes will run from this! Funny Fact: She is a millennial and had no idea what “VD” was! I’m old! Using WWII references like it was cool 2012 slang!)
2. Your Dog has Cancer! (Sketchy I know – but girls and their pets – this one might work. Funny Fact: Her dog actually did have Eye Cancer, but was cured – so not technically lying…)
3. You have to Babysit for a Co-worker! (Now this one is fraught with problem – guys have gotten this one before and they might pull a – “Oh, I’ll come and help!” then you’re stuck and have to find some brat to babysit for the night. Funny Fact: She was like “Oh, hell No! I have a Real Job, why would I babysit!”)
All of this brainstorming got me thinking of how I’ve personally gotten out of going to Co-workers Weddings that I didn’t want to go to. Here are my Top 5 Excuses to Miss a Co-worker’s Wedding:
1. I’ll be on Vacation! This is good because you usually find out about the wedding of a co-worker way ahead of time – so you can actually plan for this and take your vacation during the weekend of the wedding – far, far away from the actual wedding.
2. My kid has a sports tournament out of town that weekend. A little sketchy, but it is really hard for them to verify you really didn’t have a sports tournament – and let’s face it – I’m going to my kids sports game (the 127th of this year) vs. your once in a lifetime moment.
3. I came down with the “Flu”! This one nobody believes, but it’s the go-to excuse because everyone uses it and it has been internationally certified as an acceptable lie to get out of anything.
4. My Mom/Dad/Grandma/Grandpa/Great Aunt Betty/etc. fell and are at the hospital – I needed to go see them – they needed my help – it was serious. Let’s face old people fall – it might be the only thing they have left to do – you hear about old people falling everyday. Very usable excuse in a pinch because it’s somewhat believable and old people don’t remember later on when someone asks “How are you doing after your fall?” – they’ll go “better” and then complain about their aches and pains – because they probably have fallen.
5. I’ve got another Wedding that same day! Again – believable – but what you’re really saying to the person is “I’ve ranked you lower than someone else in my life – I hope you understand – but I didn’t buy you a place setting off your registry!”
What is your top excuse for not going to a co-worker’s wedding?