What would a town be like if it was run by HR?
I’m pretty sure kids would have a much harder time getting into schools. Can you imagine the sourcing and screening process to get in? “What do you mean you can’t tie your shoes, Johnny?!”
The awesome thing about school, though, is once you got in – you would get cookies and refreshments as part of every class – just to ensure you showed up and stayed in class (think every working training session you’ve ever been to!).
But every other class would be PE, to ensure you were healthy, with HR’s unhealthy obsession with health and wellness. I love how HR shops spend 40% of their time on health and wellness initiatives, but don’t have the guts to actually make changes to their health insurance plans that force their workers to make healthy choices.
I’m pretty sure it would take more than 1 step to stop at a “Stop Sign”, because of HR’s healthy obsession to over-process almost everything we come into contact with.
The police would automatically put you behind bars, while they investigated whether you were speeding or not. This investigation would take a month to complete and consist of talking to “that lady” that lives on the corner, then not being able to make a decision – because it might be a “tough” decision to make.
There would be no need for a fire department – we would have a “safety” committee that would do away with fire altogether… and scissors, and running, and, well… anything that has the potential of doing harm in any way.
You couldn’t actually get a divorce until you followed the “steps”, which would consist of allowing your spouse 3 chances to commit adultery – unless your spouse committed it with your best friend, then they would get the chair immediately (Texas Style) – because you don’t piss off HR! I just love progressive discipline!
From a housing standpoint, they would wait until you got nice and settled, then make you pack up everything and move across the street. This would happen about every 10 months on odd years, and every 11 months on even years – just because that seems random and makes no sense.
Lawn mowing rules would be very important – but because of risk you wouldn’t be able to do it. What if you cut off your leg by accident? Instead you would have the Lawn Mowing Union mow your lawn – but only on non-holiday Mondays, and only before 8am – because it might get too hot later in the day – and only by a “certified”-“licensed” lawn mower or Lawn Mower Apprentice, under the supervision of a Certified Lawn Mower Trainer, with assistance from a certified lawn mower.
All housing would have to be exactly the same – so not to show favoritism and to ensure everyone feels… well, the same. Because a happy town is where everyone is treated…the same – I guess.
What would your town look like, run like, if it was run by HR? Drop a comment and let me know.
If you Google “Tim Sackett” you’ll find our Tim, and a truck driver chaplain. Our Tim is NOT the truck driver chaplain, although how awesome would that be if he was!? He is a prolific writer in the HR and TA space who just happens to also run an Engineering and IT contract staffing agency (HRU Technical Resources) out of Michigan. He also writes every day at his own blog, the Tim Sackett Project. Weirdly, he’s known as an expert in workplace hugging, which was kind of cool years ago, but now seems painfully creepy, but we still love him and he’s fairly harmless. Tim is also on the board of the Association of Talent Acquisition Professionals (ATAP), lifetime Michigan State Spartan fan, husband to a Hall of Fame wife, 3 sons, and his best friend Scout. He also wrote a book with SHRM called The Talent Fix, you can find it on Amazon.