Larry King – HR Director

Steve Boese Bad HR, Current Affairs, HR, Steve Boese

As I have the coveted weekend slot this week at FOT I feel empowered to try something a little different. An homage if you will to the not yet late, but still great Larry King – legendary broadcaster and talk show host and for about two decades, ‘columnist’ at the USA Today. I drop the quotes around ‘columnist’, as Larry’s USA Today column (maybe you remember) was not a dissertation or essay on any one topic or news story, but rather just a string of seemingly random comments, opinions, and observations that really made no sense on the whole, but that individually were often funny and occasionally insightful.  To better understand what I mean, Larry’s column was mostly a series of lines like “MY FAVORITE ALL TIME FOOTBALL COACH IS STILL DON SHULA” and “I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF IT”. (Larry liked CAPS).

So without further waste of precious space on the internet, here goes my shot at a HR/Talent/Workforce version of King Larry’s column:

WHIPPED BUTTER IS THE BEST KIND OF BUTTER.

WHAT IS ALL THE FUSS OVER ‘SOURCE OF HIRE?’ I MEAN, WE DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHERE OUR FOOD, CLOTHES, OR KIDS ARE SOURCED FROM.

YOU CAN SELL ANYTHING  IF YOU PUT THE WORDS ‘BIG DATA’, ‘GAMIFICATION’, OR ‘MOOC’ IN THE PRODUCT BROCHURE.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS IF YOU ONLY HAVE A SUNDIAL AND IT IS A CLOUDY DAY?

I THINK THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE HR-THEMED TWITTER CHATS. I JUST CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF HR FOLKS  REMINDING ME THAT ‘CULTURE EATS STRATEGY’. #IDONTHAVEAREALJOBSOIAMONTWITTERALLDAY

THE ENGLISH ARE TERRIBLE AT BASKETBALL BUT FANTASTIC AT BREAKFAST. MMM… BLOOD SAUSAGE…

I AM NOT SURE EXACTLY WHAT THIS ‘EMPLOYEE ENGAGEMENT’ THING IS ALL ABOUT, BUT I BET IT IS GOING TO BE BIG.

DIVERSITY PROGRAMS HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR AGES, BUT IT STILL SEEMS LIKE OLD WHITE GUYS STILL MAKE MOST OF THE DECISIONS.

JOE TORRE WOULD MAKE A GREAT COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL. HE ALSO MAKES A MEAN SPAGHETTI CARBONARA.

COVER LETTERS ARE ESSENTIAL TO A JOB APPLICATION. NEVER MIND THAT NO RECRUITERS READ THEM.

MERYL STREEP CAN PLAY ANYONE.

WHENEVER YOU GET PUSH BACK FROM THE CEO REMEMBER – IT’S ALWAYS THE LINE MANAGERS’ FAULT.

WHAT’S ALL THIS FUSS ABOUT ‘GETTING A SEAT AT THE TABLE?’ I’D RATHER HAVE A SEAT AT LE CIRQUE AT 8:00 ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.

WE NEVER MET, BUT I BET THAT BOB MARLEY AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FAST FRIENDS.

YOU CAN USUALLY GET AWAY WITH BLAMING ANY SILLY HR RULES ON ‘COMPLIANCE’. THAT WORD ALONE WILL SHUT DOWN THE CONVERSATION.

I SPENT 4 HOURS ON A PLANE STUCK ON THE TARMAC IN FIRST CLASS NEXT TO DAVE ULRICH. THAT MAN KNOWS MORE HR THAN THE REST OF US COMBINED.

ZAPPOS. (HAVE A SHOT).

LET ME TELL YOU, EVERY TIME IT SNOWS IN APRIL THAT DOESN’T MEAN GLOBAL WARMING IS A HOAX.

ON MY LAST SELF-EVALUATION I GAVE MYSELF A ‘NEEDS IMPROVEMENT’. I HOPE YOU DID TOO.

PLEASE SIGN UP FOR MY FREE WEBINAR – ‘ENGAGING YOUR EMPLOYEES ON MOBILE DEVICES VIA SOCIAL GAMIFICATION’.

YOU ARE IN HR – THAT MEANS EVERYONE ELSE IN THE COMPANY EITHER HATES YOU, THINKS YOU ARE NOT NEEDED, OR CAN PERFORM YOUR JOB BETTER THAN YOU. SORT OF LIKE CARMELO ANTHONY.

TIM SACKETT. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THAT YOUNG MAN.

I’M NOT A GAMBLING MAN, BUT I’D BET $100 THAT MARISSA MAYER WILL GET US ALL SHOUTING YAHOO! BEFORE TOO LONG.

I KNOW I AM DATING MYSELF, BUT I STILL LOVE THE SOUND A FAX MACHINE MAKES.

DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE ‘HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER?

I DON’T KNOW MUCH, BUT I DO KNOW IF YOU ARE READING AN HR BLOG ON A SATURDAY THEN YOU PROBABLY NEED ANOTHER HOBBY. TRY MACRAME. OR SCRAPBOOKING.

I could go on and on like this forever, which is probably the secret that Larry discovered which allowed him to crank out his column for 20 years, but I need to end it here.

Hit me up in the comments with your best Larry King-style HR observation.

Steve Boese

Steve Boese is fondly known to many as the HR Technology blogger. By day, he is the Co-Chair of Human Resource Executive’s HR Technology Conference. He is also a former Director of Talent Management Strategy at Oracle and an HR Technology instructor. Steve can also be found hosting the HR Happy Hour Show and Podcast … you know, where a bunch of HR pros get together and call in to talk about HR stuff. Sounds like an SNL skit, we know. But when you have Dave Ulrich, the grandfather of HR as show guests, well, I guess you’re doing something right.  Talk to Steve via emailLinkedInTwitter or Facebook.