It’s the end of the year, and I want to acknowledge one major event in 2013: The Supreme Court struck down parts of DOMA!
Currently, 15 American states recognized marriage equality: California, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Washington, as well as the District of Columbia.
And the rest of my country is on its way to making marriage available to all consenting adults—regardless of sexual orientation. This is good news, even if you work in human resources and have to navigate the corporate complexities of civil unions, gay marriage and The Affordable Heath Care Act.
But who cares about all that?
I was talking to Tim Sackett the other day, and we took the conversation beyond politics. I have a theory that 78% of all HR blogger marriages end up in divorce. But what’s the alternative? It only gets worse if you re-marry because 67% of second marriages fail and 73% of third marriages fail.
(I am holding out for #4.)
Tim and I joke around about how two narcissistic HR bloggers are more than qualified to offer marriage advice. Working in human resources reminds you of how much the mind and body are connected to wellness. If life isn’t good at home, it won’t be good at work.
But what the hell do we know?
Tim thinks you should engrave birthdays and anniversary dates on the inside of your wedding band. I think you should avoid teasing your spouse in public. Kill the competitive “one-upsmanship” behavior in public.
Tim says, “She never looks fat, ever.”
I would like to add that you should never question your spouse’s ability to fix a flat tire or a broken appliance.
Tim thinks you should treat your spouse like an adult. Say yes when she wants to buy something. She can figure it out for herself—and if she doesn’t like what she just bought, she can take it back.
We both agree that you should keep TVs and mobile phones out of the bedroom. (Are you gonna play Candy Crush in bed? Ain’t nobody got time for that!) I would like to add that you should keep your spouse out of your social footprint. The more you praise your spouse on social media, the bigger your problems.
(Yes, I include my spouse in my social footprint. Nobody said my marriage was perfect.)
Most importantly, Tim and I both agree that healthy marriages start at home. If you want to stay married, stay away from conferences. If you have to attend a conference—especially a human resources conference—be back in your room by midnight.
And it doesn’t hurt to show your love and come home with a box of cupcakes from time-to-time. We recommend Sprinkles. Works for all relationships—gay, straight or social.
Laurie Ruettimann is a writer, speaker, and entrepreneur based in Raleigh, NC. She’s working on her next book about fixing work due out in 2020.