I’ve noticed a recent, frightening phenomenon. And I think I may be a perpetrator (heaven help me). In an attempt to stage a preemptive intervention, I thought there could be no better time than the present to address this odd and interesting tick–one that HR professionals, interviewers, and interviewees abuse unabashedly.
The head nod.
Or as some others call it, the nice nod. The, “Yes sir may I have another,” or the banal “bob.”
I get it, you want me to know you’re engaged. So, you bob your head in agreement while I speak. You want me to know you’re listening, so you nod your head at a slow, steady pace so I can see you hear me. You want me to see that you care, so you let the love flow with some righteous nodding.
All kidding aside, I know why you do this, to truly show some connection. However, when I watch people do the righteous head nod when I’m speaking (or worse yet interviewing them), it’s distracting, annoying, and comes across as really affected. Something as unassuming as the friendly head nod takes over the room and not in the way the interviewee wants.
Don’t fall into the trap of “acting” like you are listening.
Stay still and just listen. There are naturally times when body language like a head nod is always appropriate–when it is authentic. Authenticity is always appropriate, but too much of a good thing is never good. There is always a tipping point.
- The more you nod, the more you seem like you are not listening.
- The more affected your grin, the more you seem you are not listening.
- The more you want me to SEE you agree with me, the more I know as an interviewer that you are just waiting for your turn to talk rather than listening to what I am really asking.
Truth be told, you really aren’t listening.
Admit it, bobblehead.
I do know you are well intended. Interviewees–you probably don’t even know you are doing this. That’s OK, but being annoying is enough for you to not land a job. And if you do land the job, don’t let your desire to show you care overshadow true authentic connection.
Dawn Burke, VP of Talent Consulting at Kinetix and founder/advisor for Dawn Burke HR, is an HR leader, speaker, and writer specializing in new HR practices, engagement and workplace culture. Her HR/recruiting/leadership career has spanned the last 20 years, with past gigs including a foundational role as VP of People for Birmingham, AL’s award-winning technology company, Daxko (And yes, Kris Dunn and Dawn are making Bham the HR capital of the world! Who knew?). You can also check her out at DawnHBurke.com and a variety of other interesting places. Google her, it’ll keep you posted on what she is up to.
Most importantly: She is addicted to TV, knows most of the lyrics to Hamilton and West Side Story, loves to cry at movies (check out Cinema Paradiso for a cry fest!), thinks wine, a wheel of Brie and Milk Duds make a well-balanced dinner, and sings in her car daily. Her husband and cat are the Yin to her Yang.